Hey guys. It's been awhile since I did anything on dA, and to tell the truth, it feels like I've been out of touch with myself lately.
This winter has frozen me, literally and figuratively. I miss my woods so much, I miss getting lost in my thoughts, I miss the adventure, even though I've been through those woods millions of times. I think to what this summer is going to be like, I'll be working, trying to figure out what the hell I want to do with my life, and I realized, that as soon as I start my job, I'll be working for the next 40 or more years. I often wonder, is that all there is to life? Work and consume, work and consume. It brings me to tears just thinking about it, I want something more, something special. I've wished many times to just live out in the woods somewhere, way out from society and the chaos, being completely independent, and happy. I guess that's where I feel so lost, I can't imagine myself being happy by doing what society wants me to, I can't imagine myself happy with working 9 to 5 in a store or an office, no adventure, no sunlight, no nature, no nothing. And to think of myself doing that 40 or more years, it terrifies me, and it hurts me, and I know I won't be able to live like that. And so I ask myself, what else am I to do? This society is set up for you to depend on it, and gaining independence from something that pins you down is horrendously difficult. I don't know, I guess I just long for freedom, true freedom, more freedom than this society can ever grant me, but doesn't everyone want that? All I know, is that I find more comfort in the birds and the grass than I do the company of people. I find comfort in hearing waves crash, the wind in the trees, the baby crows who are just learning to fly, the sand beneath my feet, the mud slugging through my toes, as gross as it may be. Even just thinking of being in nature puts a smile on my face, I laugh as I imagine myself jumping in puddles, going across poorly but passionately made bridges, the morning dew of the grass and plants on my feet and arms. It's all so wonderful, each sensation, each sound, each smell, the flowers, sand, grass, sky, trees, lakes and rivers, even the baby crows, I absorb everything there is about nature, I bask in it's greatness, and it's beauty. I could lay with nature for the rest of my life and not get bored, it's sole beauty feeding me and hydrating me.
I want to be a herbalist, that's the only profession I can think of that makes both me and society happy, plus it combines my two favourite things in the world, nature and the greatness of the human body. I would love to be a vegetation farmer and help treat people with the power of plants, god, how I would love that.
Sometimes I feel like I apply too much to the "hippy" stereotype, I'm a vegetarian, nature-loving, peacekeeping, wanna-be-nomad and I love every bit of it, I'd love to be hippy, all I need now is round glasses, long dresses and a flower in my hair.
Anyway, it's late, thank you for reading my late night ramblings,
Goodbye and goodnight,
I love you guys so much